Sophia Loren giving Jayne Mansfield the side eye date unknown

Treehouse, thank you all for stopping by today on very little notice. Everyone looks so lovely in their couture gowns and tuxedos. I would like to present to you the three people who have succeeded in getting a permanent side eye from yours truly, The Comeback Girl. Let it be known that The Comeback Girl HATES overused cliche urban slang, “side eye” being one, but she couldn’t think of a more befitting term for her frustration of a few people and associated things.

Let us begin shall we?

1. Irv Gotti: I spent much of the later part of 2007 writing about Deb Gotti, her husband Irv and the VH1 show that really put a human spin on the single man-married man double life most married or otherwise involved hip-hop artists (and some actors) “must” lead. It was the “player player” persona non grata that hip-hop bore out of the seemingly two faced love of status, ie, money and “ho!es”. Curiously, Irv Gotti would launch the careers of married hip-hop artists (Ja Rule,  DMX etc.) who would go on to have some of THE most messiest and public entanglements with other women while pimpin’ the “single guy” image.

How To Be  A Rapper 101: a) You cannot profess your love for your wife or longtime girlfriend in your music, nor can you talk about her in interviews (unless you’re retired, around 40, and your name is Rev Run) b) You must fall for the SAME hook line and sinker from the SAME types of thirsty women who don’t necessarily WANT you but LOVE the idea of being the seductress who tried to cause a commotion in your home, or b) Your groupie becomes your prey because “she’s so much different” from all the rest, including your wife. But we all know “b”  just might be hip hop pixie dust because the “ideal woman” is now the overt pursuer, the seductress and “Ms. Independent”. The hip hop trifecta trickling down to a block near you.

Oh, wait its already here. Carry on.

2. Personal Trainers Who Look In Your Refrigerator When You Don’t Turn In Your Food Diary On Time: I’ve been working out with a personal trainer for three days a week in my house, getting beach body ready for the summer. In the meantime, I have been mumu-ing it up, to do my beach body unveiling in a few weeks a couple of months. I think I’m making good progress. But my trainer requires a food diary, that she has to sign off on every two weeks or so. I totally get the whole behavior modification thing. And I kiss it up to God. I really DID try to keep one for a few days and then I forgot. I mean basically I eat salad and salmon, oatmeal for breakfast and chicken with a vegetable for dinner. So why do I have to feel like I’m in the first grade turning in my homework with this portion of the regimen? So my trainer cuts the workout short when I told her I’d get it to her next week or better yet, just check out my blog that I’m going to do JUST related to “what I ate”. And she was like: “no, it has to go in your folder”. And she precedes to walk upstairs and looks in my refrigerator and cabinets. She did find some unopened girl scout cookies. But you know what? That’s just how gangster I am about my “lifestyle change”, I can look at girl scout cookies and NOT eat them. Its a jedi thin mint trick.

3. Dreadlocks On 15 year Old “Little Waynes” And Their Consenting Parents: I know that the conscious crowd likes to call them “locks”. And I respect that and will thus address that particular crown and glory to those people. But I don’t like dreadlocks on the “little Wayne crowd”. I live in a neighborhood FULL of  precious middle-class “little Wayne’s” whose parents think they are too good to go to work, summer camp, or school during the summer break. “The Little Wayne” vibe is usually topped bottomed off with wife beaters, skinny jeans that fall off of narrow bony as!ses (thank God that the “Chubby Little Wayne’s” have realized that skinny straight leg jeans are not for hippy, big booty little boys. In my day, (back in the mid to late 90s) men who wore “locks” were vegetarians, they smoked “ganja”, they listened to Bob Marley, they may have even written a poem or two. They also had pretty white teeth. There was an aura to wearing locks. Now everybody and their momma outside of “the vibe” wears them. There is a check list for “lock”s; otherwise you have dreads: a) YOU MUST HAVE A TALENT (preferably a musical one, see Lalah Hathaway. b) YOU CANNOT BE CATTY or GHETTO “Urban Contemporary”c) YOU MUST KNOW THE HISTORY OF LOCKS d) YOU CAN NOT “LITTLE WAYNE” THE CHILDREN.

Your Turn Treehouse…If You Had To Give Three SideEye Awards who/what would get them?

 Last night’s episode had us tuning in to Irv telling his boys to “man up” after one loses a football game. Deb and Irv Gotti have differences in child rearing opinion-having her side on “its ok for the boys to cry when they lose”.

But Irv, how short our memory is, when a previous episode had you doing the grown man whine to Russell Simmons concerning money and the label he bequeathed upon you.

I still love this show and even hip hop that’s never seemed to always love me back. Now Comeback Girls everywhere get a front row seat to how conflicted and paradoxical the rap industry really is.

So we all know that hip-hop has a love hate relationship with women in general. So what about a wife? At last account hip-hop didn’t really discriminate on a woman’s marital status-the only universal lyrical love for a woman in rap may be everyone’s respective Mama.

But I must say that I am super impressed with Deb Lorenzo (estranged wife of Irv Gotti, Murder Inc CEO). For one, she made a firm and consistant decision to step aside post Irv comment on the radio about women and him being a player (as if husband and player where some how tied at the hip hop hip.) She bounced all the way to the burbs. And that is where VH1’s Gotti’s Way picks up in its premiere season. What I will give Irv is that he is a dedicated father even to Deb’s first child Angie. But he’s a flawed one, seduced by the menagerie and lies that rap creates. It requires you be a father and a pimp. And pimp’s don’t really have the household seal of approval yet.

The only disappointment in watching Deb is that she’s not more convicted in her decisions. And she even at times makes it easier for Irv to be pimp-a-licious, asking him if the “coast is clear” to bring their children up to the city. But Irv laments that they will probably never reunite because they are too much like friends now.

But Comeback Girl is more perplexed (yes more than Juanita Bynum), isn’t friendship the basis for a marriage. Or has IG been sniffing more of the bi-poplar 16 bars and a hook– gas.

Oh hip-hop you are so schizophrenic!!!!