It’s not just about ti!ts and @ss!

To me every woman trying to release weight or even on a mission to get in touch with her sexy, needs to get on the pole (by way of a pole dancing class). We already know that women are fascinated with strippers. Some of the more sanctimonious among us, claim we despise them, quote bible versus about em’ and maybe even have an anecdotal story about how they wrecked great Aunt Thelma’s marriage back in 1982. But most of us want to secretly be one.  And I honestly feel like it has less to do with pleasing a man and wanting to turn one on and more to do with how liberating pole dancing really is for a woman.

So I went to my first REAL strip club a few weeks ago on a date, for blog research purposes.

Now before yall go in on the Comeback Girl let me explain. I had gone out with this guy a few times. The second time we went out, I brought up strippers and how I had gone to a gentleman’s club in college to see my friend. It was upscale, some tit!s no @ss. He asked if I’d ever go to a real one, and I said yes. Hey I’m curious and I thought it was just conversation. So when the next week came around, we were out at a really cute restaurant and dude said: “Remember how you said you’d go to a strip club,  let’s go”.

So off we went.

And let’s just say it was interesting. Slightly hood. Very much “in your face” kind of pole dancing. I was surprised to see a few couples. Not surprised to see a ton of lesbians. Even less surprised to see a rack of rowdy men making it rain on the “professional dancers”. Now what I don’t think is hot, is to start out on the pole showing everybody your crotchedy goodness, from jump street. What about building up to all that. Sort of like a crescendo.

What I did enjoy though were the pole skills. I’ve always heard you can burn hella calories on the pole. I’ll investigate and report back on just how many. I’ve even heard women dropping 5 pounds in one week, just doing pole dancing. Not only are you getting good cardio, you’re also doing a ton of strength training.

Not to mention getting in touch with your sexua!lity. You know that the Comeback Girl is all about sex!uality right now. I think it’s sort of like the keys to the weight release kingdom. Mostly because, weight gain has some elements of losing touch with one’s own body and becoming out of touch with it. And as more weight comes on, the more disconnected you feel, which in turn plays havoc on your self worth.

Of course, mentioning a pole around any man totally ignites him. He’s all ears, all other stuff too and wanna know if he can build one for you in his house. But to me, it’s not really about a man when it comes to getting your se!xy back. That’s just a plus. It’s what comes added automatically when you are feeling good about yourself and enjoying what your body can do.

Many of you may have wondered, where the he!ll is the Comeback Girl. She leaves and she comes back and she leaves again. Well I have more on my plate than ever before. My “little” (pregnant) cousin, who is 19,  has moved in with me, my social life is a little ….well social, work is reDONKulous and there was a part of me that wondered if I could REALLY keep this weight off and move towards my goal of a 6/8. Well I’m in an 8. So the 6′s are around the corner.

Many months ago, I’d lose a little bit and the slightest bit of stress would cause me to gain the weight all over again. It was such a slippery slope. When I tell people that cortisol (the stress hormone) is real, I’m not playing, as I type this I can feel a little weight creap SERIOUSLY. But the difference now is I can arrest it quickly. I know how my body is supposed to feel. And this ain’t it. So I do some slow breathing, some meditation, drink more water and get my a!ss back in the gym.

The beauty I think about releasing weight (even during stressful times) is that one stressor, even a series of stressors and a slice of cake won’t make you fat overnight. It’s the habitual old ways of thinking, believing and eating that gets the weight on and makes it stick.

The gym really is addictive. Being active in a program you enjoy, be it zumba, running, spinning, swimming or just taking a long walk releases the feel good hormone, seritonin. And it puts the stress in perspective. I truly believe movement puts you in connection also with your higher guides, be it God, Mother Earth, Source, whatever you’d like to call him or her.  And so if you looking for an answer: like why the he!ll did I get stuck with a 19 year old pregnant relative who acts like she’s 10, and has no job…you likely will get the answer when you really get moving. (I’ll let you know what I come up with after my workout tonight).

But stress can be a slippery slope. Not only does your body metabolize fat differently in a stressed enviornment, one also has a tendancy to eat badly with food cravings like sugar, processed flour, etc. All the foods that give an INTIAL feeling of comfort and saity, but then drops you down lower from where you started.

I truly believe that it’s possible to endulge when you’re mind is right. You don’t gain the same weight (usually none at all) when you’re enjoying a dessert because it’s your kid’s birthday or you’re on a hot date with your man and just want some chocolate ice cream. Why? I believe it’s because you’re body isn’t fighting the stress response. The body is wired to protect, even during dehydration or any other stress factor. It holds on to weight, water, whatever it needs to, in order to overcome the “emergency” that the body believes its in.

But being stressed is a time to eat clean, get your mind right and return to some sense of calm.

Of course you know that you’re favorite Comeback Girl in all the world ain’t 74, but when I started following Mrs. Shepherd a few months ago on Facebook, I became motivated all over again to get fit(ter) and stay fit. The woman takes gorgeous to a whole new level. It’s never to late to begin a routine. And I promise you the serotonin high you get as a benefit can’t even be topped, not even by se!x.

I’m so encouraged even as I lay on the couch in my gym clothes. Sometimes I go through this mental talk, even going to the gym six days a week, I call it the “get my mind right” talk. On the days I don’t feel like going, I fix my ipod play lists, imagine myself running on the treadmill, promise myself more cute lululemon’s. But today, I only need to see Mrs. Shepherd, a woman who began her fitness journey at 56.

So incredible. So beautiful.

(edit to add 6/17/11-Mrs. Shepherd is now 75 as of today)

I think I’m way too old to be loving Lil Wayne and just knew I’d hate it when the DJ said Wayne would be singing on his latest “How to Love”. I tried. I listened even for some played out autotune and didn’t even hear that. What I DID hear was great lyrics, borderline poetic.

You never credit yourself so when you got older
It’s seems like you came back 10 times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder

I got to thinking about general Comebacks. Doing things that make you feel uncomfortable. Like a rapper trying to sing. Does he sound like Kermit the frog behind an acoustic guitar? Did he REALLY write this song?

None of it really matters, for real for real, he took a risk. Comeback’s are about taking some. The kind that scares the sh!t out of you …and as a result others too.

No rapper, not even Comeback Girls can stay the same forever.

Need To Get Your Sexy Back? Try Zumba

I never in a million cazillion years thought I’d ever be REALLY in to Zumba.

To all those who’ve been stuck in some kind of Jane Fonda alternate universe,  Zumba is high energy dance. It really is the new aerobics of the 21st century and incorporates Latin, Afro Caribbean and other East Indian dance moves to keep your heart rate high and your body in its fat burning zone.

And trust me when I say, a neighbor had to drag me over to a class on Saturday morning. I knew Zumba could burn an insane amount of calories and in some of the youtube videos I’ve seen people look like they were having a he!ll of a lot of fun. But I was already learning that once you’re committed to an exercise routine, you could have fun. But I guess I WAS one of those exercise purists who didn’t think working out should be TOO fun or sexy.

Well not until our instructor started incorporating some Pussy Cat Dolls into our Zumba routines months ago did I start to become a Zumba believer. When Karen, our Zumba instructor turns on “When I grow up” the class goes BANANAS.  And at first I was like, what is it about the really sexy parts of Zumba that women really resonate to and why?

And the light bulb started going off.

I think one of the byproducts of my weight gain, and weight gain in general, is being disconnected from the body. I wasn’t shaking much of nothing, not even when I thought I looked cute in a size 18 a few months ago. And I was a fly size 18 by the way. But there was definitely something missing.

Most of the REALLY sexy Zumba routines require a mind body connection to the female sexua!l energy. The stuff that makes us feel beautiful and adored, at least the 12 or so women in our class. The beauty of Zumba is that I think it can transform ANY woman who is out of touch with her hips, thighs and other movement and release that goddess energy that to me is a huge component to releasing weight.

Comeback Girl Rule No 2. No matter where any woman is in her journey to shed pounds, she’s got to feel good about her body. The body is a miraculous wonder. It can be reshaped, it can heal itself, it can shed unneeded baggage, it can morph into the healthy and natural form it should be. But I think it first must be loved and adored by US women. And that’s one of the reasons I think I’ve always loved the Pussy Cat Dolls. To me there really is no greater love than adoring and celebrating your OWN body and Zumba makes that REALLY easy.

And of course from that, men fall in line with how we see our own bodies and sex!ual energy. So when we learn to love and embrace our divine goddess energy and sex!uality, then who we love, or want to love –will to.

Yeah I said it. I am the Queen of Reinvention. After losing close to 5o pounds, I think I can call myself whatever I dam!n well please and so can you.

I’m back Comeback Kids.

A little bit more bodacious than before, not that I was EVER a shrinking violet. I abandoned this blog more than a year ago to find myself.  And in the process became even more confused and then started to rebuild. I still don’t have all the answers, but I’ve got some. The rest I’ll work out with the Comebackers here in the tree house like I always did. I miss this community. I think that’s really the only part of the “old me” that I wish I could have found some way to maintain, instead of throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Comeback Girl Rule Number 1:  Sometimes you do have to really leave it all behind, to figure out what you  desperately need back.

And this creative outlet, is what I desperately need.