Comeback Lovelies there is no such word in the universe. I made it up. That’s right, Chivalrize is not a word. But if it was – I am sure it would be a noun (Its a verb-this was a late post.) defined as the act of being a gentleman. Wooing and yes, pursuing.
It does Not have a price tag. Chivalry doesn’t mean you pay my gas and electric. It does mean that you make me feel like a woman. Comeback Ladies, I don’t care what a man says– he loves the element of the pursuit and the woo.
And his mama (the one who affectionately knows him as her little husband) convientley forgot to tell him that there is always something in it for him. Particularly when you are pursuing a woman who is just as interested. But no she’s made her sons believe that the more you give-the less you have.
Ok now this is something serious, me and my girlfriend got into a heated debate about the men “calling” I was telling her (more like complaining) about this guy I had just meet. We hit it off well seemed like but I swear I was calling so much (in a weeks time) and getting 1 call back per my 10 and for what I thought to be lame reasons why he didn’t call back, then I told her he stood me up (last minute visit) basically I was pissed off and ready to dump him for not calling, then I checked my voicemail and he did actually call. And I kinda feel bad and wanna take back all the mean things I said. My girl however says something aint right and I called him one to many times and well he should have been returning more calls period so I shouldn’t give him a chance cuz he is a loser. I gave her 10 excuses why I think I over exaggerated the issue and want to give him a chance and she says no way in hell. Who is right and who is wrong? This is a chivalrize issue lol
Mikki-I have been there. But never ever again. I don’t call NO man. Oh maybe (Frank) my father. However I will return a call. Not returning calls is rude.
I do think he was feeling you. And although men are lazy-I think they like pursuing more than being pursued (called, etc). Calling to me is part of the woo element. You took his job from him number 1. Most men don’t like the phone anyway number 2. Ok so he doesn’t call everyday in the beginning. Thats ok!!! You work up to him needing to hear your voice for at least 5 mins everyday.
I think you can turn this all around. By stepping away from the phone. Stay busy. When he calls be nice and sweet. Show that you are interested. If he asks you out GO. but step away from the phone. I wouldn’t also make it a habit of him knowing your routine. like (Mikki is home at 5:48pm, she usually watches Girlfriend reruns on BET at 9:00pm, makes dinner at 9:02pm, so I will call her before she goes to bed at 10:45pm.) Keep him guessing about your routine.
Right I don’t want to be put In a calling all the time situation, the last time we was suppose to hook up honestly was my fault we didn’t. I called the next day and my call was returned much later in the day (said he was working) well I didn’t get that voice mail til this morning (forgot to check it)but hell that was 2 days ago so. I called this morning and he called me pretty much right away but I couldn’t get to the phone, so when I returned the call he chats me up for 2 minutes saying he just got off work and needs to settle in and will call me back in 5 minutes, based on the pattern of his, this call will be returned maybe about noonish. This is driving me nuts I know he likes me but this calling issue is a major annoyance I just need you to 1 return phone calls and two return phone calls not 10 hours later. I mean my cell phone is connected to my hip so it goes where I go even when Im busy at work or school I will always take a phone call but I mean thats my laxiedaisy lifestyle.
I give up *throws up hands* Life is less complicated when no man is in it lol
I am sitting here thinking its a cell phone minutes issue cuz we talk in two minute increments. Ok im done this post aint even bout me …
“I will always take a phone call but I mean thats my laxiedaisy lifestyle.”
Banish this phrase from your existance!!!! lol
LMAO FINE FINE FINE!! GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY!!
“I think you can turn this all around. By stepping away from the phone.”
Now that’s some good advice. What’s that saying, a watched kettle never boils…besides, you want to make sure you keep up your normal routine and not cater to theirs and lose yourself in the “waiting” game.
Here’s a word for you ladies:
she*nan*i*gans: noun. formal
>Deceitful tricks, underhanded acts.
If you like him, what’s wrong with letting him now? I guess the fire on the flaming hoops he needs to jump through wouldn’t be hot enough…darn. It seems like he likes you Mikki but he’s just busy and you got too busy to check your vmail. This only proves that new Millennium Men and Women are really busy
@ Anitidater You know (singing cumbayah song) I think I will have to agree with you. I will pull my hair out trying to do the game playing with calling being busy ect… I am just going to tell him how I feel and go fromt there If we can’t come to an agreement about the phone calls then I can accept that, but I can’t put him in the fire when he hasn’t seriously done anything wrong other than not returns calls right when I think he should, thats really not a reason to be dumping folk . The more important thing is us actually spending time together now if we can’t come together on that then ok I will just let the whole thing go.
Ahhhh! Understanding and communication. Now THAT is refreshing. I hope it turns out well Mikki!!
If I happen to be wrong on this I will certainly give credit to the winning team lol.
“but I can’t put him in the fire when he hasn’t seriously done anything wrong other than not returns calls right when I think he should, thats really not a reason to be dumping folk”
Mikki WHAT!!!! are you saying. Ok I never said to dump him. But I also think that you need to step back from the phone (not all this 10 times to his one call) and see what he is capable of doing without your prodding.
THEN we assess and negotiate with your behavior. You’ve taken all the work away from him. And I wouldn’t even get into a discussion about it. Be cheerful and nice and sweet when he calls. If he asks you out -GO and express your interest. But also he needs to be on rotation. And you need to be BUSY BUSY BUSY.
Anti is jaded.
Here’s a word for you ladies:
she*nan*i*gans: noun. formal
>Deceitful tricks, underhanded acts.
If you like him, what’s wrong with letting him now? I guess the fire on the flaming hoops he needs to jump through wouldn’t be hot enough…darn. It seems like he likes you Mikki but he’s just busy and you got too busy to check your vmail. This only proves that new Millennium Men and Women are really busy
—————
My dearest Anti
Dating isn’t a game in the hopscotch sense. It is strategy in the chess playing sense. I find it funny that when men play games they are being men. When women do it –we are just playing around. WHATEVER. Its all stragtegy. When you go to the office and you listen to someone’s presentation you can’t just go: “Hey Bob that sucks and you are stupid. Why did you even wake up this morning?” The same diplomacy/strategy/tactfulness that you use in the office also applys in courtship.
There are rules to courtship. You just don’t show up to the movies with a girl you never met in your boxers. No, you put on your best “date face/jeans/polo shirt”.
Welcome to the real world.
the antidater “was” jaded – now he is just awake. Ahh yes! Dating does involve strategy. Game theory must be employed but it need not be played like a zero sum game. The lady must win so that the guy loses…but rather like a cooperative games wherein each participant increases their utility. This reeks of that quid pro quo stuff that I thought you liked…
Mad I just got into this.
@Mikki: I’m glad you decided not playing games was the best way to go. Look how much grief, trouble, and time is being spent trying to come up with some elaborate calling hustle. He doesn’t seem that bad at calling. I know guys who go weeks and days without calling or literally just don’t pick up the phone.
@Comeback: Why are you trying to get this woman to play some elaborate calling games? Whats so wrong with calling a guy you like (as long as you don’t blow up the phone). Personally, a girl who has some “hang-up” about calling me when she wants to hear my voice is an extremem turn off. Don’t overdue it, but I do want to see your interested.
What happened comeback? I swear you were so different a little while ago. What happened to the woman I fell in love with … *sigh*
I had a talk with “W” and was able to express the fact that the phone communications between us had become burdensome to me and I simply wasn’t feeling him not getting back to me in a timely fashion. His response “I apologize” Now trust I don’t plan to let that word become a part of his everyday vocab but I told him how I felt now if he don’t change then out with him and no sweat off my back its only been a dang blad week so I think I will be ok if we don’t work out. In his defense (this once) he works midnights and typically when I called I was calling in the middle of his sleep. Not trying to back peddle because though I felt my feelings on the issue was valid enough to talk about, I do after taking a moment to think feel like I exaggerated the issue a bit and didn’t state all the facts so my apologies.
Further more I have come in contact with a lot of good men who I never really had to play those games with and they simply just were good men that you didn’t have to train. If I get into the habit of coming up with a “game plan” for every guy I date I would be come confused and end up making things more complicated than they really need to be. Over all I just think its easier to let someone know how you feel. I am giving him at least an opportunity to correct himself and I really don’t want to have to use trickery to get him to “do right”
I have a life outside of dating (it aint much) but I am not going to be running around trying to become the next president cuz I’m trying to fill a void. No matter how many poem’s I write, degree’s I get, bike trails I ride, and tread mills I run, and books I read they will never take the place of having a man in my life that adores me. So with that said I am going to be breaking a few rules and well I guess I have to update everyone on how that works out….
p.s me and “W” spent the evening together and had a heart to head talk and ended up having a nice time.
Mikki I wrote a whole post dedicated to you about “Busy”.
I think you are doing too much talking. Men don’t undertand that. They understand. ACTION. They underrstand “VOICEMAIL”. They don’t understand “blah blah blah blah burdensome.” Works midnights is NOT AN EXCUSE. You have made it too easy for him. “O” has a 7am to 2am schedule(18 hours). And guess what he sometimes grabs lunch, he always goes to the bathroom, he might break for some skittles. My phone call is in there somewhere.
Its not trickery. Repeat after me..”there are no tricks”. Men test boundaries. People test boundaries. Its human nature for someone to see what the limits are. In a relationship, I believe the women are the ones who set the tone. There are women who are happy to hear from men that call every other week at 1 am for booty. She has set her tone. The man hasn’t necessarily done anything wrong-but followed her lead.
“I have a life outside of dating (it aint much) but I am not going to be running around trying to become the next president cuz I’m trying to fill a void. No matter how many poem’s I write, degree’s I get, bike trails I ride, and tread mills I run, and books”
You aren’t really doing this JUST for a man. I have a pottery and paper making schedule on my desk right now. Its not for a man. Its goal is to broaden my interests. For women who might be too attached to a phone (its a fake it till you make it tactic)-with the advantage being bigger than just not calling. You also become a more interesting person in the process.
And of course your happiness and fullfillment is not tied to man. But I will say a great relationship to me can be very inspiring for other things.
the action is going to come after the telling I don’t plan to repeat myself nor will I go back to calling so if he cant follow through then he can kick a bag a rocks cuz I don’t need it. I know I am the one to set the tone but i do think i should be fare and let him correct himself.
I agree that a relationship can be inspiring for other things. But a lot of things i think women do are tied directly to getting a man as the ultimate goal. I’d rather “do me” then have a man come along to add to my happieness, but im not going to take up 50 million hobbies to make up for it the lack of I don’t know a lotta females that like being single. I know a woman who does so much traveling, working,church going activities that no man can actually catch up to her, yet she still complains about being single. Thats just dumb maybe if you sit down someplace you might have time to entertain one.
I love my life but ultimately i want someone to share it with.
p.s i dont like that post dedicated to me lol
to each her own. But I be damned if I have this conversation with a suitor. Your job is to observe. His job is to show you what he is made of. And if he shows you one thing. Thats FINE. He might be the best thing since sliced bread for a “Gullible Gail”. Now if behavor starts to change once he has you on “lock” then maybe you discuss once. And drop it. I wouldn’t make an evening out of the discussion and I would keep it light.
“a lot of things i think women do are tied directly to getting a man” what about keeping one too?
I do agree on some level. But on many I don’t. Trust and believe I don’t get massages for a man. I don’t read books for a man. I don’t go to chick flicks during the day by MYSELF for a man. I don’t want to paint my little office green. Plant new tulip blubs, buy an orchid for a man. Those little things are my guilty pleasures. MY SPICE OF LIFE.
its not dedicated to you. Its inspired by you.
And its also reinforcement for me.