To my most dearest Comeback Boys,
I love you to death. I realize this blog has been a “cult” (ok let me humble myself) favorite of the guys since the “Seduced by Frank Lucas” post and the “American Gangster” movie review infused with my date with “D”. But today this post is for my Comeback Girls. So Comeback Boys, you are not allowed in our tree house today. Today its just the girls and we are having an emergency secret meeting. The tree house will be re-opened tomorrow for the Comeback Muchachos at the regularly scheduled time.
Comeback Girls, Hi. now that the boys are gone.
I must tell you that I’ve had Sherry Argov’s “Why Men Love Bitches”for at least 5 years. For you straight lace Comeback Girls: “Bitch” is used in a very cheeky self-empowering way. Think of the old cliche “Babe In Total Control Of Herself”.
I thought about this book alot when watching some of the Vh’1 “Gotti’s Way” episodes. And thought the “Bitches” book could spin off into a great television series, where women take some of their power back in relationships gone predictable.
I’ve even been revealing about my own medical school boyfriend at-large, “O” and our LDR. And even responses to my blog from a friendthe choir, who has very little room to ummm sing “take it to the bridge”. Hence my “come to Jesus” with “O” about him being the variable in my definite equation (that conversation resulted in him being slightly pissed-but its true). Ladies its not a game. What we must realize is contrary to popular belief a good SINGLE man is NOT HARD TO FIND. (and all the single black men are not dead, in jail, gay, or with infectious diseases.) And when your boyfriend “emeritus”, “at-large” or “honorary jerk” wants to make you believe he’s the be all end all-then its time to remind yourself of where the great men are and that they do exist.
There’s a chapter in “Bitches” that talks about jumping through circus hoops, altering your schedules, dissing your friends (which I have had to make amends for), nixing your hobbies, and those spa and gym days. All the above self-neglect makes for a very unhappy woman. And a woman just waiting for nice yellow school bus tread marks.
When a man hands you lemons don’t bake his ass a cake. (I made that up just now).hold on. ***Comeback Girl goes to the tree house window to check for eavesdropping*****
I’m serious. When you aren’t getting the attention you want (even after asking), I think its a sign that a) nagging doesn’t work b) something is hella out of balance. I usually go back to the circus hoop equation. Have I nixed hobbies, dissed friends, dissed my workout routine etc. And c) might be, perhaps I need to take some time off and see what else is out there. Option “c” is easy with no kids, mortgage, cat, dog, or hamster. Hell, perhaps c) isn’t that hard even with kids and hamster, not sure.
Personally I take it to Jimmy’s (Choo). I have my favorite sales guy who I fell in love with when he told me at my very first walk in that I was “adorable”. I am writing him into my will and on my Christmas card list, because flattery does get you a line item on Comeback Girl’s potential estate.
Then I get buffed, waxed and pretty and I take to wherever: a restaurant with my buddy “N”, a lounge, home depot on the “Single Guy Day”, it doesn’t matter. Anywhere that my Mojo is guaranteed to return.
(part 1)
I read this book and it was interesting.
I think most of it is a good dose of common sense and self-love. When you’d rather cater to your man’s need than keep a promise to a girlfriend for dinner and drinks (HABITUALLY), or forget to go the gym, or other basic good self care habits-then there in lies a major problem to me.
From experience what do you have to bring back to the relationship when you’ve lost your own self-identity.
And what kind of self respect does a woman have when a man shows you he’s pulling back and you’re steady convincing him not to. I mean when I’m with somebody I want to know that they are fully on board because they want to be with me, not because i guilted him into it.
In the words of the great Beyonce: ” You Got The Green Light”.
I read this book a while back and if I were to read He’s just not that into you I’d probably think it was of the same ilk—common sense stuff, but its fun to read.
I read this book and also the why men marry bitches they both are good reads. I honestly think self empowerment stuff is easier said than done. But so true, I recently lost my girlfriend to a guy, so pray she doesn’t get caught up, but in her defense when you be single so long you cant help but to get caught up in the fairytale of it all.
I agree, all common sense stuff that we’re telling ourselves deep down inside…but making a “zip-it” gesture to when we’re driving the wrong way but insisting we don’t need to stop and ask for directions.
Wow I read these books a couple of years ago, and really enjoyed them. I mean, I like Sherry’s overall message, that “if you act like a prize, he’ll treat you like one” It amazes, me that so many women think that he’s only interested in wanna be playmates ( I mean women twice my age) I have had a successful dating life ( meaning I call the shot, he thinks he does) since applying the attitude Sherry teaches, I highly recommend Both “why Men love Bitches!” and “why Men Marry Bitches!”